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I think I am going to die...

By: Viktoria, 04.01.2012, Comments: 48

Hello,

I want to tell you what happened to me and how this story turned my life upside down, and I am not the same person any more......

It was during last year’s summer. I used to live in a small town near the capital, I studied and lived there. I had a steady boyfriend for almost 2 years; we loved and respected each other. He studied in the same university I did. We would see each other every day, take a walk together, we took pleasure in the love that filled us, we were more than happy, but…as you know all good things come to an end.

Problems started when after my last annual exam I decided to go to the seaside with my friends from the town where my parents live. My boyfriend didn’t come cause he didn’t have the opportunity ( he had work in the town). So one morning my friends and I left for the seaside. We arrived somewhere around 1 am at night. We went to the hotel to check in, took a quick shower and went to bed, cause we were all dead tired. On the next morning we went to the beach. The first thing I noticed was the most amazing man I have ever seen, a handsome man sitting alone on the beach, obviously waiting for someone. I told my friends to go and I will catch them later.

I approached him and with some cheek I sat on the sand next to him, I looked at him and smiled. He immediately gave me his hand as if he had been waiting for this all day long. So we introduced each other and chatted for over an hour, he told me a lot about himself, and I basically told him everything. And suddenly, when we both paused talking and as if we were enjoying one another, he said that obviously the friend he was waiting for, won’t be coming. He invited me for a coffee and I accepted, of course. I was so happy and pleased with him, it was a long time since I had so much fun. He was treating me ( someone he didn’t know) so well, making me laugh, I felt so good….I didn’t want this moment to end. So we went for a coffee and we chatted for almost 2 hours. He told me how much he loved the sea, and I supported him fully in this. We liked each other so much, we felt we’ve know each other forever.

When I was leaving for the seaside, despite my good mood, I thought I would not stop thinking of “my man” and would not have good time, but while I was with Mario ( that was the name of the boy I met at the beach) I did not think of Steve ( my friend in the town) not even once. I was so happy and enjoying the moment.......

After that I started going out with Mario, and not with my friends, day after day. Days would pass and I kept feeling amazing………. but then the day I had to leave came. I felt terrible. Mario was from other city and the distance was so huge…I think I loved him.. He also felt bad that we I had to leave, but that’s life. We promised to write and to see each other next summer.

I left for my home town, and he remained at the sea, we were so far from each other.........

After a long and boring trip I came back home and when I arrived my parents called me to see if I was all right. After that Steve called, my God, I had totally forgotten about him, but fate reminded me where I was....

A couple of hours after I arrived I met Steve and you know what……my heart beat faster. SO my “previous love” for him burst out again after 20 days absence??? We spent 2 hours together and he kept asking how I spent at the seaside and I was forced to think of something, I wasn’t ready to tell him the truth. After all I was cheating on him the whole time...

Everything was back to normal, but I wasn’t the same. In my thoughts he was “ my prince Mario”. God, you should hear my heart beating when I think of him, my heart was filled with love.

A couple of days later Steve and I went to my parents’ place. We thought of spending some time with them. One day as I was sitting and having lunch with Steve and my parents, I felt sick. My mother said she would come with me to the doctor. I was told I was pregnant. My God, I stood shocked, we had sex the previous night with Steve, but it was not possible that I got pregnant. I was certain, the child was Mario’s. How would I tell my parents, they would certainly drive me away, they loved Steve so much. So I kept it all to myself and everybody was happy. I was most happy cause I would give birth to a child from my loved one. ..

In the meantime I kept receiving letters from Mario almost every week and was so happy. One day in one of my letters I shared that I was pregnant from him; I thought he would be happy and that he would want to see me, but alas….......after this letter he stopped writing and I never got an answer from him.

I was tempted to look for him, to find out what he was doing and thinking, but I realized he left the address he was living on.

Now, months after this, I am pregnant, married to Steve and unhappy. Where is the love of my life? So his I- love-you’s were all lies? Maybe I am to blame, cause I cheated on the man who loved me and was truthful to me? What is wrong with me? Why do I keep loving the one from the sea who hurt me so much?

I live with my parents with Steve now, he loves me dearly and I pretend. I don’t know how much I would stand this.

My parents want to buy us a house, for me, my husband and the innocent baby that is going to be born.

How do I live with this lie? The child will remind me of my big, seaside love…….and it is not guilty, it has the right to live, and I would need to keep living with Steve and pretend I am happy…What if in the meantime I die of sadness for my beloved one???


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