100% True Story - In the mid of a life cris

Hi Friends.

To introduce myself, I am Niksa (name changed). I am narrating my 100% true story which I dont know that whether I should call a love story at all. I am writing this story to seek your opinion and take the most important decision of my life. If you are interested in masala Only, its time you shitf to another story because it's not a masala story at all. This story has been narrated on 26th feb,2012. I shall narrate the story in three phases:

First Phase:

The story starts five years back when I entered my engineering college. It is one of the best IITs in India. I entered as a innocent child unaware of the practical life outside Physics, chemistry and Maths books. Those were good old orkut days and I met one of my friend's friend on orkut. Lets call her Rose. We had never met each other. Our friendship (rather animosity) started because of brawls over profile visits. However, in course of time, because of mediation by our common friend, our animosity ended and by the end of my first semester, I and Rose became good friends and started having frequent chats on gmail. We even had chats on phone sometimes. Slowly but steadily, I started liking her. Though Not in the way lovers love each other, because probably I was too innocent to understand Love. May be I should call that it was more of an infatuation. However, I didn't realize this and misunderstood this as Love. As a result, by the end of my first year in April 2008, I decided to propose Rose. Once I was having message talk with her and she sent typical girly forwards asking how did i find her. I replied but asked a rhetorical question that how did she find me? (This wasnt in shayarana andaaz typical of forwarded messages.) She was taken aback. And then in the mid of the night at my home, I proposed her. She accepted. (We hadn't met yet!!)

We started having more and more of talks on phone. Mind you, I hadnt met her yet. Then, I entered my second year whence I joined the fest organising committee and got busy with the fest organization work of my college. I started finding her talks boring and kind of didn't quite like talking to her. At the same time, back home, an incident occured which made me feel no scope for relationship.

One of my distant but local cousins wanted to marry a boy from a different caste. She was criticised wehemently among the family members and my family members went to the extent of saying that she has disreputed the entire family in the town.

Watching all this, I decided to neglect Rose and stopped talking with her. Anyways, I was too busy with the fest work and hence, didnt find it too hard to forget her. She used to send some sentimental long messages but I tried to ignore her for the better future of both of us. She used to send messages and sometimes even call me during next 4 years to come. This brings us to the end of first phase of my story.

Phase II

After the fest work got over, during my summer vacations internship after second year in 2009, I found another girl on yahoo chat. She was kinda reserved, introvert but hugely innocent. Her introvertness meant, we chatted rather rarely. once I asked her number when I was going away and wouldn't have had interenet access. However, she refused. I still gave her my number.

Probably then she tried to call me once. To cut the story short, crux was that we became good friends but then again this time, i started liking her. Lets call her Apple. By now, I was 20 and realized that I was in LOVE!! Probably for the first time, true Love!! So, I decided to propose her and proposed her on her b'day. This time even without seeing her photo!!!.

I proposed her.. She didn't agree. She didn't agree for more than a year. In the mean time, I went some 1500 kms aways to meet her.. twice!! I met her sister-in-law, she rejected because I was not of same caste as theirs. After this fiasco, at the end of my third year, I went for my internship abroad in canada. I missed Apple a lot and used to call her sometimed from Canada as well!.. She missed me as well. After my return from canada, our phone talks resumed (which had almost stopped after the rejection of her sister-in-law). Finally on the day of Diwali, 05th November 2010, I proposed her again.. She accepted!

We became couples and I went to her town of residence nearly 1500 kms away 3 times in 4 months. Mind you, our love was still pure that is I didnt even kiss her.

After end of my engineering in April 2011, I left my job and went to Delhi for civil services preparation. I could not give her sufficient time and thus, misunderstandings started propping up. On her b'day in August 2011, I slept at night and when I woke up at 1am, I called her. She had slept, her brother picked up. Usually because of her parents, she had the habit of not saying anything at time whenever she used to be at home. I felt this time to be a similar siuation and wished her and kept talking to her like sweetheart, dear etc... Next day, her brother made it clear that she had to leave me. Still, since she had joined an MBA college, we kept talking very less though. But some problems emerged because of me not being able to give sufficient time and brawls over her brother's patronage. Finally we decided to break up in Sept, 2011. End of Phase II

Phase III

I became alone. Meanwhile since Rose was also from delhi, I met her. (We had met her before twice when I was in fourth year. I had felt a pang of affection for her but not that i wanted to dump Apple then.) Because of break up with Apple, I was in emotional instability. I and Rose went for a movie where she got emotional and I touched her hand for the first time. I felt electrified! While coming out, I hugged her. We went for same movie after one week and hugged again, this time more tightly! She provided me emotional support and that attracted me towards her. We started spending sometime together. I dont know if I loved her, but liked her company. She STILL Loves me the way she did all these four years!! I am too overwhelmed by her love and everytime I meet her, I feel weak. Things followed and I snogged with her in Feb 2012 in the mid of a movie!! First kiss of my Life! I feel I love her as well (probably because she loves me whole heartedly)..but ain't sure if she would ever be able to replace Apple in my thoughts .

Meanwhile, I am also in chats with Apple sometimes on phone, BUT only as a good friend. She loves me as well. Problem with both of them is that none of them are from my caste and my parents would feel bad if I marry any of them!

Current status:

Apple : I am in chats with her as good friend, though sometimes I feel pangs of love and thats precisely the moment when I stop talking saying good night so that she shudn't feel my love. Probably, I still love her innocence a lot.

Rose: I meet her sometimes, though havent met her after the Kiss incident. I feel bad about having taken a step without putting in sufficient amount of thought into it. She feels that we crossed limit as well. Still, she is madly in love with me.

MILLION DOLLAR QUESTIONS

1. Whom should I accept? Rose, Apple or none?

2. Whether I would be able to forgive myself for the kiss if I marry someone else?

3. What about my Love for Apple?

4. Most Important - What will Rose do if she comes to know that I don't exactly love her, but like her a lot because of her love?

Friends, I am in the middle of a life crisis. I am a simple guy, slightly less modern than modern day guys and girls who date and kiss each other without having much thought. It's a big issue for me because I am from a small town. Feel free to criticise me for my inconsistency in thoughts but please help me take a decision. I hope not, but If I dont take a decision now, I may end my life without being able to do justice to any of them - Rose, Apple and my parents! If you have read the entire narration and would like to help me, Please drop me a mail at: apple.niksa.rose@gmail.com