Already dead

We were in deep, deep love. She was the best girl I could have ever asked for. She was there for me when I needed her and I was there when she needed me. We were very close, like kittens are to their mothers, we were drawn to each other. With everything she did I felt more for her, nothing she did could make me stop. She was just so amazing, I was so lucky to have someone as great as her. We'd cuddle at night, sleep next to each other, kiss each other passionately and just generally love each other...

But then someone happened. I got sick, she didnt know. I started talking to her less, kind of pushing her away, treating her as if she did something wrong. She became very sad. When I came home at night I stopped acknowledging her, kissing her, even telling her "hi." Id just walk in and go upstairs. I couldn't stand to look at her though she did nothing wrong. I hatted the way I was treating her but I didnt want to hurt her by telling her I was sick. She came and knocked on my bedroom door the second night I didnt sleep in our usual bed-- the one we'd sleep together in. She came in, tears in her eyes. She starred at me and the pain in my heart became almost unbearable. I hatted seeing her cry. She came to me and I grabbed her in my arms and held her, kissed her as she starred at the floor, still crying. "What did I do wrong? Why won't you talk to me? Why won't you look at me?" she said while sobbing. I stayed quiet, still holding her, feeling a sharp pain in my heart. Tears ran down my cheeks, she looked at me, "whats wrong?" she asked, "I've been keeping something from you. I have to go." I replied. "Go where?" "I dont know, I need a brake," I said. I got up and as I gathered my things she stood, starring at the floor, then at me, then the floor again. I couldn't tell her I was on death row, it would destroy her. I took my things and left.

After that she kept texting and calling me and finally gave up when she didnt get a reply. Three weeks later I stood in Albertsons with my things, heading toward the produce as I heard my name being called. I turned around and it was her. She stood there with a sad look in her eyes. She came up to me and wrapped her arms around my neck, "I miss you so much," she said, kissing my cheek. I stood there frazzled. She kept her arms around my neck and I slowly put my arms around her waist, "I miss you, too." We talked for about 10 minutes then I spoke up, "I need to tell you something, can I take you out for a cup of coffee in about an hour or so?" She nodded. I hugged her tightly and finished shopping then put my things in the car.

I drove home and thought about her the whole way. After I took my groceries home I went and got her. "What did you need to tell me?" She asked. A tear ran down my left cheek and I sniffled then shut my eyes tightly. She brushed my cheek lightly with the back of her hand. I grabbed hold of her hand and kissed it. "I..I've been pushing you away lately because somethings wrong." She began to look worried. "I'm gonna die soon, according to my doctor. I'm very sick. I have a blood disease and it's starting to affect my heart now. It's life threatening and incurable. Im lucky everyday more I have." She came to my side of the table and hugged me, crying as if her eyes were faucets. I kissed her head, whispering "no, dont cry, dont be sad." She sniffled, "why didnt you tell me earlier?" she asked. "I couldn't, I didnt want to hurt you. I didnt want to become worthless to you. I didnt want to be a burden," she stayed quiet, still crying. "How long have you known?" She asked. "Almost 2 months," I said. By now she was out of tears, hugging me tightly she smiled at me, "Thank you for telling me. I'm glad you're here now. You're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for, you're perfect," she began getting chocked up. "I just. Cant believe you're being ripped away from me and I cant do anything.

You're all I've ever wanted." I kissed her cheek and squeezed her tightly. "Dont be sad," I whispered. "Can we live together again?" she asked. I agreed and moved back into what was my house to begin with once again. That night we cuddled and she kept me up for fear of losing me. When I finally got her to fall asleep I began to think what a lucky guy I was and how thankful I was for her and how much of a blessing she was in my life. I went to sleep with tears in my eyes that night. When I woke up I cooked her breakfast and we spent all day together. That night I watched her sleep, she was so damn cute. Then I went to sleep while hugging her. The next morning I was woken up being covered in kisses. I smiled at her, and she smiled back. We continued having a great relationship for about a week until I didnt show up from work. She was so worried, she kept calling and texting me and my co-workers. My friend finally called her and told her to come to the hospital.

When she got there her explained to her that I passed out at work and died then the ambulance revived me. She cried. I was in a coma for 3 days and when I woke up she was holding my hand. I smiled at her and told her I loved her. I didnt know what was going on until the doctor explained it to me. That night I lay in my hospital bed, starring at her, kissing her hand. Our eyes met and I squeezed her hand, a tear ran down her cheek, "its okay," I told her. "Its not! I dont want it to end like this, I cant let it," she cried. Tears then ran down my cheeks, "its okay to let go, sweetie. Its alright to let me go. It'll all be okay, you can go on. You have your whole life ahead of you, im just a chapter in your life, its okay to let go now, sweetie," i said. She continued crying, I kissed her cheek, feeling a sharp, cold feeling inside.