An unintentional saviour and love story

There was a time when I didn't even know he existed, yet I unintentionionally and unknowingly saved his life.

I can't say exactly when I began to notice him, except that it was early 2010, but I can sat that for some reason when I did I knew it would be my mission to make him my best friend.

I knew he didn't seem to like me but it didn't stop me one bit. I'm still not sure why he meant so much to me before I even knew him, but it was the best decidion I have ever made to make my way into his life. As our friendship began to develope and grow I began to trust him very much, but for him it was difficult to trust me because of his past and therefore he kept to himself a lot.

When he broke up with his girlfriend he fell into a deep depression that he never spoke to anyone about. Today I learn how much of an impact my little converstions were in my attempt to make him my friend. He felt hopeless and iscolated in this world where he thought no one cared. He had written a suicide letter and how was ready to go. He found no reason to live because the pain was too much for him until one day I came a long and gave him a sense of hope. But all I knew about him was that he was a shy boy in my class who for some reason I wanted as my best friend. The fact that he was this close to hurting himself I was completely ignorent of.

Today he tells me the story of his depression. I still don't understand my involvment in bringing him out of it, or even believing I saved his life because it's scary and hard for me to accept.But I trust him. He said I confused him, and his lonliness because I seemed to bring a light into his darkness. The idea of a friend gave him the hope of a second chance. He felt like someone cared and so he chose to give life a second chance.

He became my best friend, and the one person who I trusted with my life, and eventually he even learnt to trust me.

But with every story comes a twist. I can't say this was the most perfect friendship because we often faught. But for some reason neither of us wanted to lose the other. He often used to say "Please don't leave me" and I don't think I really realised how much he meant it. He never wanted to lose me because I was the one who 'saved' him and he felt as if he owed me his life, and that without me he would be nothing again.

I fell in love with him within the next year and he began to mean so much to me but I could never tell him how I felt. I didn't have the guts. I was scared of rejection or ruining our friendship.

One of his best friends had a crush on me for a very long time. I procastinated anything with him for a while, until I got to a stage where I felt I could have feelings for him. But at the back of my mind he wasn't my first choice. It took 11 months until anything happened between us, but it was because of Dan that we ended up together one night.

21-08-2010
As strange as it is we had the biggest fight that night. He pressured me into going with his friend even though I told him I didn't want to. I sent him a message when I had left saying I didn't want to do it he shouldn't have made me and I guess he realised he made a mistake. But then I decided to go through with it and ignored him. He called me many times and sent me over 10 messages, and after his friend and I had hooked up I opened the messages and replied.I apologised but he was very angry. He told me he was worried, and that I didn't care and many other things. But there was one message that confused me "I was scared I would never see your beautiful face again". He had never called me beautiful before. But I ignored it because I though it was nothing. I went home in tears because of how bad the fight had been. He didn't want to speak to me and that was hard for me to deal with. He was my best friend, and I felt that I needed him.

22-08-2010
Today he told me he had feelings for me and I told him how I felt about him. Turns out the only reason he pushed me to be with his friend was because he though I would be happy and that's all he ever wanted.

Turns out he was wrong about who I wanted.
Totday, I am proud to say we have been in a relationship for over 2 years and I am the happiest girl in the world.

I love him with all my heart and I want the world to know that.