Done

Here I lay, alone, profusely contemplating about what it is I should tell you. I don't want to hurt you, but I know I already have, and now you're hurting me. Switch the clock back 6 months and we were golden, everything between us was, well, great, to say the least. And then maybe three months ago I made a mistake, we weren't even together when I made the mistake though, so what was so awful about it? I still don't understand and probably never will considering how little I ever really got you. So, we stopped talking, grew further apart. The effort I made was pointless because you made no effort in return. I tried to do something, anything to please you, and it still wasn't enough. Right now, all we are is distanced. You and I are simply two flowers on opposite sides of the medow, almost meaningless to one and other. I don't know if you realize how much it hurts me, how much this is beating me down. I know you're talking to other guys, and that's completely fine because im talking to other girls too, but it hurts me to know that you are being intamate with them while I'm still trying to fix what we once had. I should just get over it, and I really want too, but I just don't want to hurt you. You mean so much to me that I just don't want you to be as hurt as I was. I know you still care, but you don't show it, and with that I know I have to let you go. But what is it that I'm gonna tell you?..

My feelings:

-honestly, if I saw you right now, I would just turn the other way and walk away.

-I know its best we let each other go completely--no contact maintained at all. You go your way, I go mine and we completely erase everything we've ever had. You don't cross my mind, I don't cross yours.

-...I wish I could just tell you this. I hate it so much. I love you and I don't want to get over you but I know its the best thing for both of us. We can't be together and neither of us want to be, so why the hell can't I seem to part from you? I have so many others, and yet, I want you. I feel like I need to be there for you. I'm the one that was your foundation 3 years ago when everything happened to you and you didn't want to live another day. I'm the one that was there, I was your rock. I'm the one that built you up and strengthened you. Is that why I don't want to just leave you like that? Because I don't want you to get hurt? Or is it because I just want you to need Me? I know all those other guys want from you is sex, they don't love you for who you are, but why can't you see that? Why can't you see that I'm the only one that's been there for you so long that hasn't asked for one sexual favor what so ever? I'm the one that's been here for you and has built you up and you still can't see it...what will make you see it? What will make you realize how much I love and care about you?! I know that you see that those guys don't want you for the right reasons either, so why are you there with them? I've given you 10x better than what they have and could've given you considering the circumstances the we're under. I'm supportive of you, significantly better looking, sweeter, etc and yet you still want to go with them. I have girls asking for me by their side, wanting what I give you, but I stay loyal to you. But why? You don't care. Why should I? They all need or want me and they'd all appreciate me. What is it that you have that they don't?

..my heart. That's what. Given what we've been though together, how could you not have my heart? I had yours, and I lost it at some point. I'm not who I was when we met, and neither are you. Is that why you don't want me? Or is it something more. I know exactly what I have to do to fix this, but why don't I? Because I don't want to make things worse. I'm afraid of the rejection. I know it will just be easier to turn away. I am a coward, and that's what I'll do. I don't want to deal with this, I don't want to be hurt. I just want to move on. And that's exactly what I'll do.