I think i dont have a heart to love

my story starts from long time ago when i was 14. i fall in love with a boy who was my first love. i loved him so much but unfortunately he didnt and he doesnt like me what so ever, which was so understanable this time.

after the years i was still thinkin eventhough i had a boyfriend and argued about it once. when i was 19 i left my home town to london to study, but i couldnt left without saying to him goodbye, so i called his home and tried to talk to him, but his mom said he went to london to study too. i was shocked asked his email address and when i went to london i left him an email saying that im in london i just wanted him to know that im there, never expected him to reply me back.

maybe i was praying initially wished that to reply me back. he replyed me and would like to chat with me and so on. after few weeks we did meet and had lot of fun,i was living in my dream wishing that time forever if it could last i was happy all times, but he told me that he would never see me as his girlfriend or anything because he has one which is going to engage with her.

i was shocked and cried many nights and see her pics from his computer when im with him at his place. which was so hurting mentallly and psychally. and after 4 months of our romance come to the ending because he had to go back home for good. so i went to airport to say bye to him but he just saw me for a secon and left me without saying any single word.

all this confussion of our affair left with no heart to love to anyone else. now im 24 still dont have no bf and just keep thinking he stole my heart forever with him. i try to love someone but i loose my interest for 2 weeks later. am i psycho or is it just cos i dont find my mr right?