IT HURTS ME!
by Dy • True stories • Separation • • Add a comment
I have soul pain. It’s not a pain, it’s bleeding. I am trying to walk with proudly head up, but I don’t succeed I feel like crying all the time I see nothing and nobody, since he left just like this. He did not say anything, he did not even accuse me and it used to be so nice, nice like I hadn’t felt for years.
We got acquainted through the net. He comes from Sofia, I come from a village, there’s a 250 km distance between us – he has suffered without a mother, I’ve been divorced with 8 year old child.
We’ve met and we liked each other. We’ve started a relationship. I was distant but he was so kind and understanding. My kid liked him a lot, so did my parents. He’d been coming on Fridays and leaving on Mondays – at the rest of the time we were talking and talking for happiness, for kids, for support… And I was the foolish – giving him money to be able to come. I’ve been ready for everything just to be together, but…
When we’ve been talking on the phone he was often angry and unkind on my question why he didn’t answer, or he said he was under pressure at the job. I used to hide the problems and my pain, because I didn’t want to overload him. Anyhow I got used to handle everything alone, to smile when it hurts me, to bear, bear…
It wasn’t pleasant, but I hoped to be temporary, and soon he would be fine. There was no reason to arrive to such situation but he just started to call rear, his lies were threading like chaplet. He was promised to call later, or tomorrow, and again nothing just lost feelings and dreams.
I asked myself who needs promises for nothing, such you know you can’t fulfill. What a person you have to be to pay somebody empty words? I have no answer – I’ve met only such men in my life, which are shouting that they hate lies, but mainly they lie, men which were promising to grown up my son, but they were just watching through him…
I don’t know how I can go further. The only thing I know is that it’s hard, its pity and I have no power to continue. Please write to me I will wait eagerly.
