Princess

I miss my ex. I saw the words reminded me of her. The reason is because the first time she hurt my feelings she kissed my cheek and she said "are you cranky? Mr. Cranky needs to go to bed!" And I told her "no, you just broke my heart and it can't find its way home" like Whitney Houston's song "Where do Broken Hearts go" and she told me not to be upset with her and she told me to think of all the positive things shes done for me and the positive way shes impacted my life and the wonderful relationship we had and I just smiled and covered her in kisses.

I love her so much but I can't be with her anymore. I should move on, I know...but how can I if she was such a great person? If she was the one that was always there for me? If she was the one I fell in love with? I can't stand being without her, it's such a horrible experience. I know I can't be with her, there's no way. I can't even talk to her and tell her how I feel. I miss her so much and I just want that sense of comfort in knowing shes there for me and that I'm deeply loved. I hate not being able to talk to her...having to just drop off the face of the earth and having to ignore her as I have been doing and feel like I am forced to hate her to stop me from missing her. I don't hate her, I don't hate her at all.

I'm angry at myself for falling in love with her and missing her the way I do. I hate the fact that I can't even tell her "I love you" and get a response. I hate having to pretend I don't feel anything for her. Shes such a great, great girl. Shes the first one I've fallen for because of personality, not looks and its so hard to be able to let go of what we had and move on. I know I'm strong enough to do so, to succeed but I don't want to.

I don't want her to just fade into a memory...to fade into a "once was" type of thing. I can't let that happen, she means far too much to me to even think of just letting her go like that. I hate having to keep to myself about everything and not being able to get her much valued opinion on things. She made me so happy and she was such a great help to be. I loved being able to call her mine... my love or my friend. I loved having that sense of happiness in knowing that she was in my life and she was always gonna be there for me. I just miss her so much. No matter how I try to distract myself she just comes to mind and I cant tell anyone about it.

I cant tell anyone how I feel about her and how I want her in my life again. She was what I called "ugly" when I first saw her. I disliked her and disliked everything she did and was a part of in the beginning but we soon talked more and I fell in love with her as she was. Ever since then I've looked at her and thought "Damn. I did so good. Shes so amazing." I would thank the lord for her every night, thanking him for inserting such a bright light into the black hole which I called life. I wasn't afraid of the dark anymore because there was no dark. There was no reason to fear something that wasn't there. She lit up the room, she lit up my life...she lit up my heart...my soul..my everything.

Jesus knew I needed an angel and she gave her to me and damn, was she perfect! She influenced me to be the best I could. We sometimes had our issues but we'd get through them. She'd say stupid things, as would I, but we still got through the jungle without any scratches, so to speak. I was there for her from the beginning, even when I disliked her. I stood with open arms, I'd allow her to cry on my shoulders. She was worth everything I had to sacrifice...I meant every word I ever said to her about loving her...even when I said it at irrelevant and bad times. I was there for her.

If someone dared to hurt her I'd sure show them how wrong they were to do so. No one could hurt my sweetheart, my friend and get away with it. She meant everything to me and she still does. She may not know how I feel about her now and probably never will but thats okay. It's also okay if I fade into only a small memory in her mind...its okay. I'm one drop in her whole ocean...one chapter in her gigantic novel. Shes my 7abibti. Shes my milosc. Mi amor. My love. I'll love her no matter what. One never forgets their first real love...and she was mine. I'll keep her in my heart and in my mind forever. She had a great impact on my life and I'll never forget her.