Sad love story

My story sarted few years ago. It was Christmas holiday and I was spending it all alone at home. Then I was maybe 14 years old. I know it sounds funny... Oh that silly kids love. So one evening I got text message from my friend. We started talking. In short time we became best friends. It was fun, we talked a lot every single day. I felt so happy. But I saw him just like friend nothing else. But after few weeks I told to my best friend that maybe I like him. She started laughing at me. I felt bad because my best friend told me that I'm silly. She said "look at him, he is funny, he will always be just friend forget that". From that moment everything changed. We stopped talking. I didn't even thought about him anymore. We were just friends. I never knew how he really felt about me. So time passed. 2012 the year that changed everything. It was September. We both were part of exchange program. The trip started. We went to Germany. I had such an amazing time. And there was this guy, my best friend now he's older we are not little kids anymore. I felt something again. He felt it too. It was party we walked away from everyone. It was so amazing finally we were together.

He was holding my hands in his hands. It was start of something beautiful. It was the last day in Germany, we were going home. The night we stayed in Prague. All of our friends were having a party in hotel.

We stayed in his room. I was so tired. But at the same time I was so happy. Because I was in his arms, I felt his heart beating. That evening I will remember forever. He kissed me for the first time. Finally I knew that butterflies in your stomach really exsist. After exhausting 24 hours in bus we were finally home. Everything was so wonderful we were happy. Still not a couple, but I knew it was going to happen. After few weeks in October 9th. My birthday came I was all shining and happy. But strange thing, he didn't even said happy birthday. I was little bit dissapointed. In the evening I was spending time with my family we had my birthday dinner. Suddenly I got text message from him saying "open the door". I opened the door and guess what there is a lovely guy standing in rain with roses. I felt so happy. Sadly he couldn't stay. My birthday was on Tuesday, but I had a party on Friday with my friends.

We were having a really good time. He was at his friends birthday so I didn't even thougt about seeing him that evening. Well my friends were pretty funny. They took my phone and asked him to come. And afcourse he did. That was amazing. And the best part was his gift, his unplanned gift. He asked me to be his girlfriend. Oh God that was amazing! But there was a little secret that no one knew about me. The secret that always made me run from guys and made me to build a wall that Would save me from falling in love. But he just broke that wall and came into my life. I tried to stay with him but it was too hard for me even that I loved him didn't helped. After a week I told him that I can't do that. I knew I have to make something that he would forget about me. And that I could forget him. So that's what I did, I kissed with other guy in party and he saw that. I know his heart was broken. Mine was broken too.

I loved him so much, but I hade to make him forget about me. So everything happend how I planned we got into arguments... It was so bad I couldn't handle it. I cried so much. But in few weeks I convinced myself that I hate him. Everything seemed to be normal again. We didn't talked at all. So Cristmas holidays was few days away from here! I felt happy. We were sitting in cafè with my friends and suddenly they started to talk about him. Something inside me just blown up. I started crying. In the middle of cafè... I felt everything again. It was so painful. I couldn't handle. After few weeks I finnaly decided I have to tell him how I fell. We talked again I was happy because he said " everythings fine I forgive you". I asked maybe we could start again. He said yes. He said that he feels happy too. But I didn't said nothing about my secret that was killing me. And suddenly something strange happend. He said "oh I don't know if I want to start everything again".

That evening when he told me that we were standing in the rain I was crying. And you know what he told me that everythings will be fine, he touched my face to make sure that there's no mote tears. He run trough my hair with his fingers and huged me and that moment he said "everythings gonna be alrigt". I was too emotional to tell him how I felt. So I came home crying and wrote him letter. Even though I knew he changed he wasn't that same guy I loved. I wrote everything, every emotion was on that paper. I gave it to him. He didn't said nothing. Just "it's really emotional. I know it's hard". I just felt so sad it was killing me. After that we still talked. One evening I got a panic attack because of my secret...

I thought that I will kill myself. But something in my mind said tell him, tell him your secret. So I did. I told everything. My secret made even him cry. I was sexualy abused when I was little girl. That's why I always run. He invuted me to talk to him ne t day. I cried. I dont know why but he started to talk about us. He had questions why. I had same questions too. He said maybe someday everything will change. After that we talked maybe few times. It seems that he forgot that I exsit. Once he said he will be there forever. But that was a lie. He was that simple guy that I loved with all my heart. But now he has a lot of girls around him, that's why he said he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I think about him every single day. Our friends say that he was better person when he was with me, but what can I do? I hear all the time that we are soulmates and that I'm love of his life from his best friend, but that seems far far away from reality. And after all I still believe that one day the guy that I love with all my heart will comeback, will be the same guy who loved me an told me that he never leave.