Should I wait?

I will try to be as objective and concise as possible. I would like people to respond with meaningful advice, not insults or attacks.

I have a relationship with a married man or rather I had because we are currently separated. This has been going on for 3 years now, and in the beginning, he was not yet married but lived with a woman with whom they had a 7-8 year relationship.

In one year, my life changed radically. I dare say his too, only the directions were different.

Our love was crazy, beautiful, dedicated, wonderful! And this happiness lasted nearly a year. We also had difficult moments and scandals, because of the situation I was in, but without mentioning the problem. I was embarrassed to talk and to ask him to do something. And that's just so I don't push him away and wait for him to want it.

He told me today that he intended to break up with her for me, but ... milking a dead cow. Only God knows if that is really the case.

And from then on, the story is normal - she got pregnant, he married her, and we broke up. It was quite difficult, but I had no choice. At least at this point, I had to keep a little dignity, as far as I had left.

It is interesting how a person gets used to accepting humiliation, in the name of feelings! I was ready to fight for my love, even at the cost of another woman's misfortune. She, the other, was of little interest to me, and only to the extent that I envied her for the man I wanted.

I don't feel guilty about that, because I don't think I owe her, but the man who is supposed to be with her and has been with her for so many years. But anyway, things turned very quickly and our separation followed - the first.

It didn't last long and only ten days later he looked for me again, sprinkling his head with ashes, explaining to me how much he missed me and what a fatal mistake he had made! And since then a long series of separations and gatherings has begun.

Probably here is the place to say that I did not want to sleep with him, we did nothing for months. Within 2 years, the times in which we have been together are counted on the fingers of both my hands. And yet, he kept looking for me and vowing eternal love to me.

So, 6 months ago, I couldn't stand this situation anymore, and I set him a condition and a deadline in which he had to choose.

He really did a lot since then - he talked to his wife, to his parents, and yet he told me that he could not fight the thought that he would leave his child, that he needed time for that. I agreed, but we decided to separate. He asked me when it was acceptable for me to return to me, and told me not to wait. He told me he was 90% sure he would come back to me, but he needed time for that.

So, again, I'm in a position to wait, once again. I try not to think about it, to try to live normally and calmly, but the thought of him creeps in all the time. I had countless doubts about the strength of my feelings. The last two years have been very controversial - from one extreme to the other, but this is due, I guess, to the abnormal situation in which I was placed.

Today I am sure that I love him and I want to spend my life with him, despite the difficulties that I know will follow. But is it worth waiting for something that may never happen?

I try to understand his worries, and somehow I want to believe that there will be a place for us under the sun.

As for his child, I would never allow myself to try to isolate him from his father, I would not leave him without his love and support. He even met me with it and it is sweet and wonderful!

Well, that's my story. I would like you to share your opinion about it. Thanks in advance!