The curse of unrequited love

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Two years ago I fell dangerously in love with a man. He was here from another city, but I wanted him to settle here. I won't tell you how we met, it's not that important. I fell madly in love with him, we became very close, we spent 12 hours a day together. Only when we slept were we separated. I gave everything to him, I was really madly in love. We were inseparable together for 8 months, we talked about everything, we did everything together.

He was in love with my sister. I'm not going to tell you what age difference we have with him, it's not small, but I don't think it's very important and in our case, I wouldn't just put up with it. Whatever.

He hurt me many times, terribly. And I loved him so much that every time I came back to him without even being sure I was wanted.

Because of our age difference with him, my sister asked me to promise her that I would end my relationship with him, or in her words, "she will make sure we stop seeing each other." She knew he was in love with her. He had told her. She also knew that I was crazy about him and I was tormented every time she "played" with him for his presence and attention.

She really tried to end our relationship, she created problems for him at work that would make him quit it, and therefore return to where he was from because he would not be able to support himself. It went away, but ...

He left. He told me a few days before that. It was like a blast. I "lived" with this man for 8 months and although I never received even a small gesture for my love for him, I wanted his friendship and nothing more, and to see him.

And he left. He was my addiction, and he left. Just like that. It was very hard for me, and even more so that when he left he did not call me for a month. I got angry. I "avoided" him for 3 months or more (not exactly "avoided" him, because in the beginning, he didn't even look for me). With the time and distance that separated us, we became more or less alienated. After I stopped being angry with him, we started keeping in touch again. And I was angry and expected that he owed me his attention, etc ...

About a year later he returned for two days to see me. I'm still trying to erase those 2 days from my head. It didn't turn out the way I expected, or the way he did.

When they left me with the car, he came to hug me goodbye, and for a moment I thought I meant at least a little something to him. After he left, we had a few more conversations in which I was again angry at his indifference to me. I got mad and said goodbye. I closed the page ... at least for the time.

And he, I don't even know how to describe him. It is incomparable, does not fit into any frames. He has his opinion about everything and there is an aura around him that would amaze everyone. He is amazing. He is also gentle, considerate, kind, caring. A relationship that I never experienced for myself, but saw that he does it for others, and knows how. A person who appreciates the little things and pays great attention to them. While he was here, he asked me to find a boyfriend who would give me the attention and love I deserved. And I took his advice. From everything that happened, I only managed to hurt the boy, of course.

I sought happiness with another boy. Kind, good, I was his first girlfriend. He adored me. I hurt him too. Then, my current boyfriend showed up. Maybe after my big drama with the aforementioned man, I was finally really happy when I met my boyfriend. We were inseparable together. Everywhere. He was my best friend first, then a boyfriend. It's great. It was everything I dreamed of then and more. Diligent, kind, gentle, considerate, super handsome, he loved me and valued me as much as I valued him. We were constantly kissing and hugging. We were together everywhere. But then, things calmed down. We still loved each other, but a little calmer. And in the lull, another appeared. He wanted me a lot (and now), and like any girl, I love to be noticed, and to be liked and loved. And he was paying attention to me, I gave in. He kissed me and I didn't pull away, then I told my boyfriend and gradually, over time, everything started to fall apart. We are now separated for a while.

Because I succumbed to that stupid kiss, I built the status of a "slut" in the face of all my relatives and friends. Everyone seemed to pull away from me. And one day, as I was going home, alone on the bus, I thought about my great unrequited love. Does the person who hurt us leave a mark on us, and all our future meetings and divisions. Isn't it a curse to do all that they have done to us, despite their desperate attempts to be happy? And I decided to find him and get rid of that curse. I wanted to find him and find out if he had ever, at least a little, looked at me with different eyes. The truth about everything. To tell me who I was for him, if he ever, at least for a while, didn't flinch at me. I wanted to know in order to be happy and move forward. So that I can give love and attention to my boyfriend, and fall in love, as before, with each other.

And now that I think about it, I get angry at him (at my unrequited love). He has always strived to be kind and considerate, to give love, and so on. Moralist and why, for so many years did not give me this simple explanation and keeps my soul in a cage.

Now I know what I want. I want him to be a man and tell me clearly and exactly who I am for him, or who I have been. Have I ever been anything for him? Because for me this is the important thing. To know the truth and get rid of the curse of doing the same things to people who love me.

I found him, but I haven't asked him yet. Moreover, in his typical style, he does not want to talk about it, avoids the topic, etc.

Thank you for your attention.