You never know what you have until you lose it

He came to me in my time of most need like a super hero you could say. I was never really good with all this relationships thingy to be honest I have always been to shy with guys. I get nervous easily around them but with him I didn't and maybe that's why I never realise he liked me in any way imean I don't considered myself beautiful or gorgeous at all I always though I was average not to ugly to make baby's cry of course. I had a rough childhood I had been sexually abuse by my own father so along my road I had deep scars, scars I was still dealing with when I meet him I use to tender to cut myself to realease my pain. (something I don't do anymore thanks to him) it was in my biology class I was the tipicall shy girl in the last seat and they put us in lab groups he wasn't soppoust to be in my group but he was there setting next to me trying to make a conversation at first I didn't put him a lot of attention but after a while he became my friend he knew how to make me smile and laugh but like I repeat before I was shy so when he offer to take me to class I would turn him down telling him I was okay after a while I guess he got tired of trying then in my second semester we started talking again and we exchanged numbers and he confess me that he had a crush on my of course I was shock like really how I couldn't notice? And I ask him what happen and he told me I was to hard.

I laughter at that after a while he became my best friend we would talk every night calling each other unable to stay a day with out talking. after school I would come home exited telling my cousing everithing about him I would drive her crazy with my silly ideas and stories.we would sit together in lunch we would walk each other to class or meet in the hallways everitime I saw him I would get butterflies my breathing would come short I felt like my heart was about to explote when ever I was to close to him it was like this weir electrifying feeling I would get wen ever we touch.

Then valentines day came and he ask me out in the sweetest way any guy has ask me out he buy me a flower and a hugeeeee card and after school he asked me to be his valentine and of course I said yes! He is a poet/song writer singer so he would write me poems I loved to read his poems and songs they would always get to me everithing was perfect I had a lot of my first experiences with him like our first kiss I accidentally spit on him when he tried to kiss me I don't know why but I burst out laughing but he didn't seem to mind all he said come back and let's try again and we did with him has been the only guy I had actually make out .we had our whole life planned i was sure i would marry him noyhing else would of made me happier than when he propose to me he got in his knees and he took this rong pop out of his pocket and ask me to marry him i basically choke of the impression. We had almost been a year together by then and I loved him more than anything or this other time when we were kissing right after my dance performance we where kissing and before he could beat me to it I told him I love you he seem surprise when I did but I never regret it not him he was the most amazing thing I had ever had.

Our memories are the ones I cherish the most he wasn't perfect to society but to me he was perfect when ever bitches would tell me your goin out with him? I would proudly said yes. But I'm weak and I had never been able to confront my problems I tender to run away from them and when the worst thing that could happen to me came I became distant from him I push him away because I has the stupid idea that he deserved someone who was pure and good enough for him someone who was everything I wasn't able to be and the beginning he denied to leave me but I made sure he hated me I made sure he was safe from me. But now I can't get over him I compare every guy I date with him but they all fail because they not even close to what he was to me and now I dont know what to do because I still love him but idont know what to do I can't just appear after all this time and be like oh hey I'm back so we cool? No. Please help me this is my last tried and I doubt I would ever find love the way he offered to me thanks for listening. It feels good to take it out.