Is it possible?
It's very difficult for me to talk about my feelings, and I may not clarify many things, but now I feel very confused. If after reading my story you have questions, ask them, I will answer.
Before I start writing, I want to ask you not to be too strict with me - believe me, I feel bad enough, I have realized my guilt, and maybe I am my greatest judge.
So, the story is this: I had a boyfriend with whom I was for 9 years. He was the first man in my life, I met him when I was 16 years old. Before him, I went out with 2-3 boys, but we were only kissing and we were together for 1-2 weeks.
My boyfriend and I have experienced many things, I have always been with him in good and bad times, I have experienced an accident that almost took his life. Then I left work so that I could go to the hospital every day, although at that time I was not even allowed to see him because he was in intensive care, but I walked again and stayed for hours so that I could be closer to him. Then, when he came out of the coma, and he had to go to the ward and his mother stayed there to take care of him, I was the one who went there every day for months and brought them food and everything that they needed. Anyway, he is now well and has fully recovered, for which I am very happy and thank God.
2-3 years ago, he renovated the apartment in which he lives and we did it the way we both like, but when he invited me to live with him, I told him that I was entirely dependent on my parents and that if I move to live with him, he will have to take care of me and pay for my semesters (during the years we were together, I keep in mind that I did not make him pay me anything, also never I wanted him to buy me nothing), the answer was that he would not pay for the semesters and that my parents had to take care of that! I want to note again that I didn’t work back then, because I had enrolled regularly in specialization, and could not miss lectures, and also for him this money wasn’t a problem (now you probably think that once he reacted like that, he didn’t hold to me, but believe me, he has shown it in a thousand other ways that he loves me).
Other things happened that I will not write about now because it became a very long letter, but which repelled me even more from him, and then I decided that if someone else appeared in my life, I would go to him (I even said this to him so that he could think about the way he treats me and change).
And so it happened, a man appeared, and he did everything for me. And after 3-4 months of wandering between the two of them, I went to him. My boyfriend apologized, begged me, said he would change, but I was very confused, and even then I thought he had hurt me enough times, and that there was no point in being together again. Only now do I realize how much I hurt him then. I didn't pick up when he called, I told him I didn't love him anymore, he begged me, and I told him I couldn't have anything more to do with him.
He got a girlfriend and 1 month after they were together, I called him and told him that I want us to get back together.
Why? I think that's when I realized that I can't lose him and that I actually love him, it's stupid, I know, but that's how I felt. He refused me, saying that he was in love with her and that he no longer loved me.
At first, I thought he wanted to hurt me, as I did, but it's been 3 months since they've been together and he still wants to be with her. Now, 5 months after we separated, I think about him more and more often, I remember all the good moments, I remember how he took care of me, how he showed that he loves me.
I think if we had talked about everything, things wouldn't have turned out that way. I also think I was too proud, and once I'm denied, I don't ask a second time.
Now I realize that he is the man for me, I realize that I need him and that I love him. He knows all this, but he doesn't want us to try to be together again, he prefers the other. He tells me that I hurt and repulsed him too much.
So, my question is: has the same thing happened to you, is it possible for him to claim that he loves me more than himself, and when another one appears, he forgets that I exist?
Is it possible for him to reject me so quickly from his heart and for another to take my place? I'm asking you all this because I don't have much experience with men. At first, I thought that I was attracted to the other boy, I even thought I was falling in love, but now I know I’m not, and I probably wouldn't let anyone else in my heart for months, even years.
Also, do you think this with her is only momentary, could we be together again?
Another thing to mention is that we have not cheated on each other and in the eyes of others we have always been the perfect couple.
Please, and especially you men, tell me how to behave and is it possible to forget a woman who was “the one” for you only after 2-3 months, replacing her with another? Thank you in advance!