I can’t stop loving him

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I want to share my problem with you. I know that many of you will judge me, accuse me. And they will be right, I myself do not approve of my action, I cannot accept this. In my life so far I have had only 2 relationships, both long-term, and I am 28 years old.

I have always dreamed of meeting the right person, getting married, and being happy. I started working at my current job three years ago. A colleague made a strong impression on me, we liked each other, we talked and little by little I started to fall in love. But one day I found out he was married with a child.

I became very sad and decided to step back and start avoiding him so that I would not fall in love even more. Married men have always been taboo for me, I have never understood women who have such relationships, I have always hated them. I did not understand how they could be so heartless and frivolous as to stand between two people, to be an obstacle, and this is a punishment for themselves.

I have always adhered to my principles. But I don't know how it happened, how I allowed myself to fall in love even more and let him take me home one night with his car, after work. When he stopped, I opened the door to go out, but he pulled me to him and kissed me, despite my resistance.

I got out of the car and told him I didn't want this to happen again, that I wasn't one of those fun girls, that I was a serious person, and I wouldn't let that happen. Many sleepless nights followed in self-accusations that I had committed an unforgivable sin. He started telling me that he didn't want fun, that I meant a lot to him, that I was the man he had always dreamed of.

He told me that he also never thought of having a relationship outside of his marriage, even though he had felt misunderstood for many years. He told me that his wife had always been a cold person, that he had always lacked a warm word, a hug, tenderness, and understanding.

Believe me, I didn't want to let all this happen in my life. I did my best to stop it, but I couldn't. This has been going on for a year now. And now it has become even more difficult. He says I'm the woman he's always dreamed of. To me, he is also the perfect man. He started telling me how he couldn't live without love, that he had the right to be happy, that he would try to do something to keep us together because otherwise, he would regret it for the rest of his life. I told him I couldn't stand between them, that I wouldn't let him leave his family, and he said he wanted to do it for himself.

The next moment he was telling me that he couldn't do it because of the child and because of the lack of funds to live somewhere.

I love him with all my soul, I want to be with him, but I know that many people will suffer because of me, and I myself will not be able to live with this sin. I don't think he'll do it now that he hasn't done anything.

Knowing that I would be the cause, I just can't let it happen. I know that the only way is to separate and move on, I have no right to hurt these people. He is not aware of himself, he thinks differently every day.

It was very difficult for me to accept and realize that we have no future.

All I want is to forget him, to stop loving him, to find the strength to end it. But I don't know how to do it.