It`s only sex...

When will I stop?

I don’t know why am I even writing all this, it is all so clear, everything is alright, and at the same time it is hell and chaos.

I met my new colleague and the chemistry was instant. I had a crazy and amazing flirt that naturally ended in bed. Then the falling in love and the jealousy came, but we both are married and care for our partners, so it’s not that kind of jealousy. I have never felt that one.

He respected me and he still does, but he is simply not a man for one woman, not even for two. This brought me so much pain, but I learned to play his game, he chases me, I chase him, and it goes on for a year and a half already. I got rid of the jealousy in me and this irritates him in a strange way, I still can’t understand him. When I tell him that I love him, he replies: Don’t! And when I am distant he says I don’t love him anymore. I only smile, because I really don’t know the answer.

For both of us it all boils down to sex, and the sex is incredible. But I am afraid that this might be a delusion, because we don’t work together for almost half a year now and I want to stop calling him and refuse him when he calls me, but I can't get myself to do it.

We hardly ever find common topics to talk about anymore – it is only sex.

Are we simply addicted to having sex with one another, or is there something more?

This situation makes me crazy, I want to stop, to quit. I keep telling myself every time that it is going to be the last time, and so it goes until today.

I don’t know how to stop, how to overcome myself and break out of this endless circle.